8 weeks ago, I made the decision to put down my best friend. I felt like a failure, like I had done something wrong, like I was letting him down. Today, I’m thrilled that his stall plate is mounted. I was too nervous to order one for fear that I’d lose him before the plate came in. And that having it delivered after the fact, would be more than I could handle. People often tell me that I have done a wonderful job with him – that I’m a great horse owner. I feel the need to set the record straight. I’m not this magnificent, eternally optimistic, human being. I didn’t have unbelievable faith that everything will be OK. Hell, I still don’t know if everything will be OK. Want to know a secret? I’m selfish. Extremely and unbelievably selfish. I couldn’t bear to lose that animal. For the last 10+ years, he has been my rock. The being I turn to when nothing is right in my world. I run to him when I need a reprieve from the real world. I couldn’t lose my sanity. I wasn’t ready to live a life that didn’t revolve around him.
There ya have it folks. 8 weeks down the road and he is recovering, slowly but surely – on his own accord. The only thing I have done is selfishly decide that I’m not ready to lose this horse. And so I haven’t. I have to give the credit to those who deserve it: Rachel, Paula, Bob, Ali, Lauren, and the countless people in and out of his stall all day making sure he is comfortable, loved and happy. These people have lost sleep to medicate him, held him up when he couldn’t stand on his own, and take him for his daily walks to be turned out. They’ve adopted a cranky yellow horse and I can’t thank them enough.
I visit and spend time with him every day. There are days that I really wish I could hop on his back and go out on the trails.I long to throw caution to the wind and enjoy a good gallop with my best friend. But then I see him gingerly walk, and am quickly brought back to reality. Life as I have known it, has forever changed. I’m just lucky that he is a bigger fighter then I ever imagined. His heart is as golden as his coat, and I am humbled by his tenacity.
Oh and in case you were wondering… those mother F*&$king bedsores are still an issue. And duck tape does not hold for longer than a few minutes.